I’m getting there

One of the murals I saw on The Love Letter tour.

My 101 list is slowly moving along. Here’s an update:

4. I’ve pumped my own gas! I’m sad this was even on my list. Like really? You can’t line up a couple of nozzles and pump your own damn gas? I do all the time now as a resident of PA. I still look like an asshole while doing it, however. I need to get my stance just right.

12. Stay off Twitter and Facebook for a week. This was harder than I thought . I’m an Virgo so I have an addictive/OCD personality and I always need to be online, always checking my Facebook and Twitter. I turned off the alerts on my phone too so I wouldn’t be enticed by that little asterik that appears on my UberTwitter when I have a new message. It was nice to take a break. I read more, worked out more, and took more time for myself.

14. Go on a trip to Chicago. Take a picture in front of the kidney bean. Eat deep dish pizza. I’m in the process of planning this! It looks like I’ll be heading to Chicago for my 29th birthday in September. Can you believe it, 29?! I sure can’t. I’m afraid that when I visit Chicago I’ll never want to come back home.

17. Don’t watch TV for a day…at least! This was easy. I’ve been so busy with the move and work that I’ve spent days not watching TV. Oh, and the fact that I couldn’t get the cable working at my new place made it even easier.

18. Go to a concert alone. I’m going to see one of my favorite bands, Minus the Bear, all by my lonesome in May.

24. Work out at least three days a week. I’ve been doing this, and what a difference it makes. My clothes fit better, I feel better, and my attitude has totally improved. When I’m not working out I feel like my world is crumbling. When I release that negative energy I think, “I can DO this.”

25. Watch the entire series of The Wire. I was so sad to finish watching this series. The characters on this show were some of the best I ever watched. The best thing I took from the show was that none of the characters were entirely good or evil. They were sometimes a mixture of the two. The same with people.

27. Take a week vacation from work without checking email. I’m off of work the week of July 4. I’ve never taken off an entire week since I was a senior in college. In 2003.

30. Buy myself flowers. I bought some violets for my desk at work. I accidentally killed them about a week later. A green thumb is not an appropriate phrase to describe me.

39. Attend more book signings. I went to the Jonathan Safran Foer book signing for Eating Animals. I also went to the Jason Mulgrew book-signing a couple weeks ago. I actually ran into him at the Irish Pub before his signing and acted like “that girl” when I went up to him and said, “Are you Jason Mulgrew?” It was worth it when he signed my book: “Melissa, Thanks for giving me instant street cred.”

What songs make you sing into your hairbrush?

Just like Patty Punker, this girl loves herself a list. I was working out last night, panting and breaking a sweat on my treadmill, when the idea of a favorite song list of all-time came to mind. Part of the reason I love working out – besides the potential health values it brings – is that it gives me a chance to rock out to my iPod. I put it on party shuffle and have my own personal dance party, sans hairbrush. (A hairbrush would be too tricky to have on the treadmill and I’d probably end up injuring myself.)

I should also add that my treadmill/iPod behavior is one of the reasons I don’t frequent a public gym. Unless a gym allows me to sing along and rock out while listening to my iPod, I can’t get my work out on and I definitely don’t want to disturb the other patrons.

So, here it is in no particular order, my favorite songs of all time:

1. For the Widows in Paradise for the Fatherless in Ypsilanti by Sufjan Stevens. The line: “I’d do anything for you,” repeated over and over in this song makes me curl up into a tiny ball in the corner of my room and sob quietly. It’s just so beautiful. That voice. Those lyrics. That line. SO many reasons why I love Sufjan Stevens.

2. Billie Jean by Michael Jackson. I want to come out to this song at my wedding. Not because I’ll be marrying my baby daddy or because I have an illegitimate kid, but because it effing rules. That bass line? Omg. 

3. Paper Planes by M.I.A. I think its part in Slumdog Millionaire sealed the deal for me and this song. It’s so unique sounding that it’s hard not to love. Better yet, it’s chorus is based on Wreckx-n-Effect’s Rump Shaker. “All I wanna do is do a zoom zoom zoom and a boom boom” or how it’s heard today, “take your money.”

4. Wish You Were Here by Pink Floyd. This is my mom’s favorite song, and my love of music is constantly tied to her. She made me fall in love with music at a young age. She would blast Marvin Gaye, Janis Joplin, and Led Zeppelin every Sunday morning while we did household chores. It was our Sunday church. Our religion. I love this song because I think it really captures the pain of missing someone: “We’re just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl.”

More Words About 2009

Now that it’s January 2 I’ve had some time to reflect on the past year. I suppose I should’ve done this earlier, but that’s how I roll.

Me and my best friend Courtney.

It’s late. I’m sitting up listening to Hezekiah Jones – courtesy of my friend and colleague Peter Marinari. (I’ve officially deemed him best mixed-tape maker ever, but I digress). I just finished watching (500) Days of Summer – you know, the one where Zooey Deschanel is a total beeyotch. The movie made me all reflective and mushy. It’s about love. The losing of it and the finding of it, and all the shit in between. Kinda exactly what happened to me in 2009.

Me and my boyfriend broke up this summer. When we started dating at the end of 2008 I thought “this was it.” This was the one. We had SO much in common: movies, TV shows (we loved Don Draper), fonts, Apple products, German cars, music, Vans, religious and political views. He loved red hair and I loved him.

I feel like I’ll never know what went wrong. I woke up to him one morning and he said: “I don’t think I can ever love you the way you love me.” That was the last I ever heard from him. I’m angry about what happened. I’m angry that I spent a year of my life doing so much for someone who decided to wake up one morning and feel differently. He was Summer and I was Tom.

Everyone always says there’s a lesson to learn after a breakup. I’m not always a believer in that statement – sometimes things just happen – but I think there is a lesson in this one. Love isn’t a checklist of things you have in common. If that was the case, this relationship would’ve worked. It’s something else. What? I don’t know, I’m still looking. But it’s more than movies, and TV shows, and favorite restaurants – whatever you may have in common. I believe it’s something bigger and better than you could ever put on a numbered list, and I can’t wait to find it.

Another big thing that happened this year took place just last night. I spent my first New Year’s Eve alone. I have to admit I was nervous about it, but knew it was something I had to do. I came prepared for battle. I had wine, Pad Thai, and An Affair to Remember. When I came home after work to my cat and a dark hallway, my eyes started to well up. I wasn’t sure if I could do it. A night out drinking wasn’t what I was looking for, so I figured I had no other choice. I repeated my favorite mantra to myself: “Shoulders back, chin up,” and uncorked a bottle of wine. I guess all the wine and food made me sleepy. I didn’t even make it to see the ball drop. I talked to one of my best friend’s, Mark, on the phone that night. He always tells me to treat myself gently and reminded me of that last night. And, that’s just what I did: on New Year’s Eve I treated myself like a virgin on prom night.

So, what else happened in 2009? In no particular order here’s a quick list.

1. Saw Lady Gaga from the front row.

2. Lost one of my best friend’s.

3. Adopted a cat.

4. Cheered for the Phillies.

5. Wrote for Phillyist.

6. Was in two weddings and the maid of honor in one.

7. Became a vegetarian.

8. Went to New York City.

9. Went to Charleston, SC.

10. Joined Twitter.

11. Saw Sufjan Stevens and Fanfarlo at Johnny Brenda’s.

12. Met Jonathan Safran Foer!

13. Saw The National.

14. Took a grad school class.

15. Swam in the ocean.

Gravity

I never wanted anything so much

than to drown in your love and not feel your rain.

-Sara Bareilles, Gravity

What will you do differently in 2010?

Every year, people make New Year’s resolutions. To be honest, I’ve never been a fan. I find them cheesy and doomed for failure. This year I’ve decided to think a little differently. In fact, I’m doing 101 things in 1,001 days.

Check out my list. Please comment and let me know 101 things you’d like to do in 1,001 days.

1. Update my blog on a weekly basis…at least! What kind of list is this if I don’t start with vowing to update my blog?

2. Advance my career by blogging more, creating an online portfolio, keeping my resume updated, and networking. We can always be a better version of ourselves.

3. Relearn how to drive stick. You never know when you’ll be in the situation where you’ll have to drive stick. I learned how to drive on a stick so it’s best to start relearning now.

4. “I’m from New Jersey. We pump our fists not our gas.” This quote is all well and good, but come on. I need to learn how to pump gas. I’ve done it before in emergency situations, but I tend to avoid it at all costs.

5. Say “I love you” to the people I love every day.

6. Visit my parent’s more.

7. Visit my grandmother in Lewes, DE.

8. Work at a homeless shelter for Thanksgiving.

9. Work at an animal shelter on Christmas Eve/Christmas Day.

10. Stop saying i’m sorry. I say it way too much.

11. Maybe, maybe, maybe watch Star Wars. I hate fantasy/sci-fi, but I’m trying to keep an open mind.

12. Stay off Twitter and Facebook for a week.

13. Practice patience at home and at work.

14. Go on a trip to Chicago. Take a picture in front of the kidney bean. Eat deep dish pizza.

15. Buy a domain name for my blog.  

16. Say hello to strangers more.

17. Don’t watch TV for a day…at least! 

18. Go to a concert alone.

19. Take a class in web design.

20. Stop shopping for 30 days…at least!

21. See Solara and Sarah more.

22. Stop eating meat.

23. Know myself enough to know what I do and don’t want to do. For instance, I never, ever, ever want to learn how to knit a scarf. So why would I put it on my 101 list?

24. Work out at least three days a week.

Meditations in an Emergency

This is how I feel today…

 

Now I am quietly waiting for
the catastrophe of my personality
to seem beautiful again,
and interesting, and modern.

 

 

The country is grey and
brown and white in trees,
snows and skies of laughter
always diminishing, less funny
not just darker, not just grey.

 

It may be the coldest day of
the year, what does he think of
that? I mean, what do I? And if I do,
perhaps I am myself again.

-Frank O’Hara, Meditations in an Emergency

The confessions of a self-proclaimed bookworm

“We all have the potential to fall in love a thousand times in our lifetime. It’s easy. The first girl I ever loved was someone I knew in sixth grade. Her name was Missy; we talked about horses. The last girl I love will be someone I haven’t even met yet, probably. They all count. But there are certain people you love who do something else; they define how you classify what love is supposed to feel like. These are the most important people in your life, and you’ll meet maybe four or five of these people over the span of 80 years. But there’s still one more tier to all this; there is always one person you love who becomes that definition. It usually happens retrospectively, but it happens eventually. This is the person who unknowingly sets the template for what you will always love about other people, even if some of these loveable qualities are self-destructive and unreasonable. The person who defines your understanding of love is not inherently different than anyone else, and they’re often just the person you happen to meet the first time you really, really, want to love someone. But that person still wins. They win, and you lose. Because for the rest of your life, they will control how you feel about everyone else.”

-Chuck Klosterman, Killing  Yourself to Live

It’s true. I like to read a lot. I may even be a bookworm. I remember visiting the library every week in elementary school. The rows and rows of books piled higher than I could reach brought me a sense of comfort I had never known. The crackle of a book opening, the dewey decimal system, the rubber stamp the librarian would use to mark the book “taken” on an index card: these were all things I loved about my childhood and things that still bring me great memories.

I think the reason I was so into books was because I was an only child. I didn’t have an older brother or sister to confide in. I had my books. Shel Silverstein and Dr. Seuss are some of my oldest friends. In my teen years I studied the words of J.D. Salinger and Sylvia Plath hoping I could make one sentence sound as good as theirs.

I want to use this space to talk about some of my favorite books that I’m reading. Those I’m just reading now for the first time and some of the oldies but goodies I’m rereading today. Today I’m reading Chuck Klosterman’s Killing Yourself to Live. He’s the author of the popular Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs.

What else am I reading right now? Here’s a short list.

1. White Tiger

2. Collected Stories of Lydia Davis – Loving this!

3. Omnivore’s Dilemma